I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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