Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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