You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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