DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
