i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
