im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
