I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
