My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
