im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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