I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
