No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
