Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
