Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i think i just lost a toe
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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