from now on my penis is your penis
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
