I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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