You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
