I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
