So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you inspire me to be a worse person
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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