Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
