i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
