I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
