all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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