We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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