I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
