I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
