it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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