Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
