apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
