YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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