Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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