this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
