Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
