actually, I'm a sock model
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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