I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
