just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
