No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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