Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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