I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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