best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
