getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mom said you looked used
Found the puke drawer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
