How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
