dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
