I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
