Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
