I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
