He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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