i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
