I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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