sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
