well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
